Dating is precarious under the best of circumstances. The highs and lows of the emotions rollercoaster is enough for one heart to grow weary and faint in the processes. Being a hopeless romantic I realized early on in my youth that a gamut of feelings comes with the quest for love. I thought that I had found love a time or two only realize in the words of Stacy Lattisaw “I lost it on a lonely highway”.
So with baby in tow I set out on the highway of dating again. Given my current work schedule and being a mom going out and meeting someone organically at the store, library, mall, etc seemed far fetched so I decided to try an on-line dating site to meet people. Initially the choice gave me pause, however after talking with a few friends it seemed like a safe option if I was careful and also seemed like it would fit my current lifestyle. On-line Dating still has some negative connotations when I was asking around to get input and advice—some equate on-line dating with desperation, booty call options, and one person even said it’s the dating equivalent of of GMO! 😂🤣😂 While there are horror (true horror stories) the best advice I received from a friend of mine is to pick a site that has safe guards in place to protect your identity, not to readily give out personal information easily be smart and cautious just like you would meeting a random person in a bar--it really is not much different. So considering all the wonderful and hilarious advice I started looking at different sites. I looked at Plenty of Fish, E-Harmony, Match, Black People Meet but I finally made my foray onto CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel). I picked this site because it’s free, a friend of mine had used the site and recommended it, the matches occur at noon which is around the time I take my lunch break, it was started by 3 women and the interface seemed more female friendly, the site also provides a safe space to chat with someone without giving them my phone number initially, also I can "talk" (i.e. chat) on my schedule which can be limited at times and not have to worry, if I loose interest or get overwhelmed with harassing texts and/or phone calls.
So I setup my profile and got started! I cast a rather wide net of possible searches not wanting to limit myself too much in my potential matches. My first match I’ll call TY, for Too Young. His profile had his age at 26, definitely younger than me but as Aaliyah sang "Age ain't nothing but a number". We did the obligatory "hello who are you" dance. However, I wasn’t able to sustain interest in our conversations--if you can call them that. I mean how many “How was your day and Fines” can you exchange before it gets beyond boring! I needed more. I needed conversation. I needed someone who could engage me. I tried sparking topics that seemed to interest him based on the informationin his profile but found...none of that served as a flint to start a flame. I kept him on the back burner and looked at a new set of matches (hey you never know maybe he was just in a funky place). There were several who seemed interested however their bio left much to be desired so I passed. I know that I can be verbose and that does not always hold true for others particularly not from the distaff gender, but some information would be nice, something I can put my hat on so I can sit a spell and converse.
I kept searching and hunting; keeping in mind the phrase “I want to be as picky about who I date as my dog is about where she poops 💩!” So the next guy I decided to mutually match with had an interesting profile, I’ll call him EB, for Eager Beaver. Reported to have a job and to also be patient but during our chat messages on the site he seemed to have difficulty waiting for my responses and have nothing to do during the day to keep him occupied. Now I’m not saying I’m busier than most people but if you send me a message in the morning and I respond by noon I think I’m doing good. But apparently not good enough for him. So I started inquiring about what he did during the day and his response was “Nothing just watched TV”. Some choice words were exchanged via chat when I told him that I was busy at work and didn’t have time to respond to his messages every 5 minutes. So after our heated exchange of me trying to explain my work flow before I had the presence of mind to realize the I don’t have to explain myself to anyone 🤣😂🤣; I closed the chat! I loved that I could cut him off and not have to be worried about follow up harassing texts and messages! *WIN*
So I stayed with the site because it passed the avoid harassment test. The next guy I matched with let’s call him SA for Still Around! 🤦🏾♀️ Now this was an interesting turn of events; here was a match that behaved differently. On my profile I made no secret about the fact that I was a single mother and instead of the typical boring pleasantries and coyness he immediate asked about my life as a single parent. At first I was surprised, not because I was ashamed or didn’t want to talk about being a single parent but because its a topic that can complicate relationships. Instead of ignoring the issue he wanted to discuss it 🤔. So through our chats I’ve begun to see that he appears to be very honest, slightly brash, and engaging. Our chats on the site have been different than my other experiences: they have been filled with jokes and a sense of familiarity and comfort. So I finally gave him my number...We will see how this goes 😉 maybe after meeting at some point I'll give him my real name!🤣😂🤣
Embracing my imperfection and striving for perfection through grace.