Dating in Semi-Singleness (Part 1)

Hello Family! So normally I’m a very private person; however I decided to write this blog post as an intro to discuss dating as a single mom. I hope that by opening up that others might find use in my perspective.


The first thing that I have learned as I traverse through this journey of motherhood is that every experience is going to be individual. I am learning that as a single mother it really is up to me to make the decision regarding what is best not only for me but also for my child. While it’s great to get input from sources that you trust have your back at the end of the day it all boils down to the decisions I make for my nuclear family.


Facing this new terrain and how to approach it there where 5 questions that I felt I had to answer:




WHO and WHAT?


What am I looking for? For me I needed to be clear on my objective. For some people their goal may be someone to fulfill a physical need. For others they long to find someone to be a father to their children. For others it’s a gray area in between. I prayed, I searched, and I realized that for me what I desire is a friend; someone of the opposite sex that could be a friend in every sense of the word. Someone who could make me happy, someone who my son would like and gravitate to (once they became acquainted). Someone with potential and patience; who would allow things to progress at its own pace. Someone to share my journey with. Someone who can reflect Gods love for me during my valleys and my mountaintops. {Do you think I’m asking for too much? 🤷🏾‍♀️🧞‍♀️}



WHEN?


When is the right time to open myself up for a relationship? I have to factor in that I am not only risking my heart but also the heart of my child. In addition, I also have to consider what lesson(s) am I teaching my son by my actions. What will he learn by his observations? Growing up I remember talk in the family about other single women’s children calling every “Tom, Dick and Harry ‘Daddy’ or ‘Uncle’” I don’t want that experience for my child. I don’t want nor does he need a parade of men in and out of his life. So I decided that if I were to start this journey the time would be now. As a baby all he understands, if I go out on a date, is that I’m not home; however I feel that as he gets older he will possess more awareness of my actions and understand their implications. For me that is a possible message that I do not want to send to my son.


WHERE and HOW?


Where do I find the time? How do I make the time? And how do I make this work for my little one and myself? As a single working mother my job does take me away from my son during the week a lot. Sometimes he’s asleep when I leave and when I come home its dinner, bath, and bed. The only time I have for just him and I is on the weekends. In those weekend hours I still have adult stuff like washing clothes, paying bills, blog posts and planning, prep work for the upcoming work week, meal preparations, yada yada yada. So exactly where and how would I fit in a romantic life into my mommy life? Is that even possible? Paramount is time with my son. I am learning as a mother the importance of balance. I am learning that in order to take care of my son I have to take care of myself. It’s been very easy for me to loose myself in the day to day life as a mother. So as I work on this balance how much time and focus do I try to give to that area of my life? Only time will tell—I’ll keep you posted!