This is a very vulnerable post for me. I truly have debated whether or not to post it because I was worried about triggering some sensitive areas for others. So if discussing weight and weight loss is a trigger please do not read further.
Four years into motherhood I am finally figuring out not only the importance of my mantra “Creating Space Girl and Thrive” but how to make it work for me. I have realized that in order to be the best mom for my son I must take care of myself and my health first. As I have begun to thrive and get back into being more physically active my body has hit a brick wall. Just as I have started to find my footing my body has begun to fail me just when I needed it most.
I remember taking a walk with my son to the mail box and back to the house which is just 1/4 of a mile round trip and I almost did not make it back to the house due to a severe pain in my lower back. As my son raced ahead of me I panicked as I realized that if a car or something happened and I needed to get to him quickly I couldn’t. Work up of my back pain revealed the beginning of back issues that directly tied into my weight. In that moment I realized that I needed to make some tough decisions about my health quickly. While I was working on being more active pain in my back and my knee began to limit my ability to be more active and therefore limit a key component of my journey to thriving.
I learned to focus not on my weight and to focus instead on healthy practices and a healthy lifestyle. Which I carried with me. I began to accept my body and appreciate it for the wonderful things it could do and the shape I was in. The birth of my son, while a joy, changed my focus from myself to him and I put myself and my health on a cold back burner.
As I began my process of evaluating my own feelings about the new state of my body and health I realized that I had to consider bariatric options. Not for the goal of a number but to put my body in a different position to be more active and address some of the health implications that genetics has in store for me as I get older. I realized that my goal was a return of function and ability to move with less pain.
As I started this journey it became clear that I needed to address issues that I may not be aware of in my relationship with food. I started by taking a close look at what foods I eat and why. I started having hard conversations with myself and decided to also work with my therapist to determine if there is any components of comfort or stress eating that needed to be addressed. Determining what behavior, triggers, and patterns impact my eating negatively and developing ways to rethink and address those triggers and patterns.
Embracing my imperfection and striving for perfection through grace.