Celebrating Father's Day as a MIA--Mother In Action

For the last 2 years I have dreaded Father’s Day.  I felt that it served as a constant reminder that my son’s father is not ready to be a parent; not in a position to be a consistent presence in his life.  As the day drew near I would contemplate the day when he comes to me and asks where is his “father”.   The decision to protect my son from his father’s intermittent indifference and poor prioritization was a tough decision; but a necessary one. 

As a single mother of a son there is this stigma that we cannot raise capable, strong, emotionally healthy men.  I had so many well wishers tell me that if I was having a boy that the first thing I should realize is that I cannot raise a man on my own.  WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!!!! 

What the heck!  No wonder I went into a slight depression when I took my newborn son home.  Here I am charged with raising a child on my own.  Which I was all fire ready and prepared to do and now I have a son the the haunting sound in the back of my mind was that you “cannot raise a man on your own”.  I prayed nightly and daily for strength.  Finally my prayers were answered through a conversation that I had with another mother.  She asked me to write down what attributes that I looked for in a good man. 

I began to rattle them off—dependable, honest, hardworking, responsible, independent, leader, listener, a lover, God fearing, on and on the list went.  As I wrote this list I realized immediately why she asked me to create this list.  All the things I listed were all the things and attributes that I have.  None of them were centered around any particular sexual orientation.  I began to cry.  Truthfully as I write this post and think back to that day I still cry.  It was a pivotal moment for me.  Yes I have a fears about raising a black male child in a society and climate that does not value his life but I can and will raise a son who will be a good man, a good father, a good husband.  The basis of all that I want him to be is rooted in one principle…LOVE

Photo by: Jennifer DiDio Photography

Photo by: Jennifer DiDio Photography

So I no longer fear Father’s Day; and I am even looking forward to celebrating it this year!  Because it’s not a reflection of something that my son is missing but of what I can provide him.  Love unconditional. his “father’s” absence is a reflection of my strength.