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What's Your Child's Love Language

11/16/2020

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When I began taking my dating life seriously I read a book “The 5 Love Languages”. It was very eye opening to me this concept that there were ways that I can be manifesting my love to others but because I am not speaking their “language” the manifestations have no meaning.
As I have been watching my son grow I am learning that he himself has a love language.  Truly he expresses and needs all 5:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch
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Words of Affirmation:

I’ve been learning that Words of Affirmation are more than “I love you” it’s applauding him when he does something correct.  It is learning to acknowledge his correct behavior and positive attitude more than correcting and reminding him about things such as “don’t forget to flush the potty”

So often in the day to day functioning of raising him its so easy to point out mistakes and errors.  However, instead I'm choosing to focus more on the things that he accomplishes on his own.  Behavior and actions that show he is growing up and taking responsibility.  There are times that I slip into old patterns and I find myself feeling like I'm doing more correction and reminding but as I always state I'm a work in progress and so is he.  
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Quality Time:

I’m a busy, busy, busy Mommy Bee.  Raising my son, working 2 full-time jobs (in the home and out of the home), working on building a brand,  trying to stay on top of current events, reading for my own growth professional and personally, and a myriad of other tasks that as you know are too numerous to count.  Quality time to me means undivided attention—“All Stop Quit Quiet”.  This has particularly posed a challenge for me because as busy as I am providing my son with undivided attention seemed an impossible task. 

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Over time as I’ve struggled I’ve realized that quality time has different meanings for him.  It’s a closeness—it’s being involved in my activities.  During this quarantine time he had enjoyed popping into my office during my patient visits to say “Hi”.  Putting him in my desk to watch his movies while I work at the computer, cooking together, sometimes just sitting in a chair answering emails while he sits on the floor playing with his trains are the times he needs.  There are times when he does want my undivided attention and he communicates that very well.  I have learned to also communicate when I'm unable to give him my undivided attention and why.  I have also learned to set limits and honoring those limits.  For example--when I'm working on my last 1-2 patients at the end of the work day and he comes into my office I explain that I have to finish and that when I'm done I'll be all his until he gets bored with me and I honor that time.  I leave my phone in with my computer after my last visit and I'm all his. We talk about his day.  We play trains.  We play baby shark (don't ask 😉).   We enjoy each other until he has his fill and is ready to move on to something else.  Sometimes it's 5 min and other times it's 60 min.  Whatever his love tank needs to be topped off and full ⛽️ .  
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Receiving Gifts:

Spoiling my son is something that is so hard not to do.  Every time I see a toy that I think he would enjoy playing with I want to get it for him.  However, my money being funny and my change being strange coupled with memories of him enjoying playing with a toilet paper roll keep my wallet happy.  But I’ve learned to make a big fuss about the most mundane and necessary things.  Underwear, toothbrushes, toothpaste.  Things should be appreciated and respected.  Everything and every moment is a gift.  I find that by elevating the “mundane” my son appreciates all things in life.  I hope this trend stays.  I love that he is appreciative of items but I also know that as he begins to desire and express himself it will be more vital to ensure that even the smallest gestures are appreciated as the big gifts.

Act of Service:

Kids learn by example.  They parrot what they hear quickly becoming little mynah birds; intelligently selecting the naughty words we may utter in an unguarded moment.  I have grown up watching my mother do for others; not only in her role as a nurse practitioner but also as a sister and daughter in her family.  I treat my parents based on how they treated their parents.  I treat others how my parents treated others.  I expect and hope that my son will learn by my example. 

Finding acts of service for my son has caused us to grow closer together.  I am always finding the balance between encouraging him and pushing him to do for himself and learning to overcome frustrations when things to quite go as smoothly and easily as he feels they should.  On the other hand I enjoy doing things for him such as getting him juice before he asks for it sometimes.  Taking his plate into the kitchen for him.  Little things that I know he sees.  Displaying this behavior to my own parents so that it is a normal occurrence that is an expectation rather than an exception.
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Physical Touch:

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I must admit I birthed a snuggle bunny.  He loves to snuggle close to mommy and truth be told I love to snuggle with him.  Physical touch and holding is a love language both he and I share.  It was a hard thing transitioning him out of my bed.  Not only for him but also for myself.  It is true what they say they grow up so fast.  I miss holding him in my arms, smelling his hair, touching his skin, snuggling against him.

Moments of "cuddle time" is one of my favorite times of the day.  Even when I'm running behind in the morning in getting dressed when he asks for "cuddle time" I'm happy to oblige.  Of course I set a timer for a few minutes and let him know that we can only cuddle for a few minutes because otherwise we both would loose track of time.  I find that it gives up both a moment to connect with each other when we feel disconnected and fills up my love tank 🥰.
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On this journey of discovery that he and I are on.  I am learning that there are certain times and instances when I have to tap into which particular language he needs.  For example, when he is trying to over-talk whomever I’m talking to of course it’s a sign that he needs attention but why and what language is not being met.  Sometimes if it’s something he’s proud of and he is looking for words of affirmation; then there are times when he is looking for quality time.  Time for me to stop and provide him with my undivided attention—watching him play for instance.  Other times just my mere presence soothes and helps fill his love tank up.
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As he changes his love language needs will change and I must adapt.  It’s challenging and fun to learn the ways to speak to and fill up his love tank.
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4 Mom Blogs That I Love

10/12/2020

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During this pandemic and self-quarantine I craved and searched for ideas to help me keep Jeremy entertained and active.  I thought that I would share with you my top 4 favorite Mom Blogs.
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Natural Beach Living

I can’t say enough about this website.  Really and truly if there is a favorite among my list this is one.  I highly encourage you to sign up for her emails because not only does it get your access to a myriad of free printables; it also give you updates when she comes up with new content.  Which helped me when Jeremy got bored by some of the activities that we had done.
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Happy Toddler PlayTime

The Magic Milk STEM Experiment that she featured on her bog is by far my favorite activity to do with Jeremy.  I used expired milk so I had to make sure he didn’t try to drink it before we started the experiment.  Jeremy loves colors and stirring so the Magic Milk STEM project was a perfect fit.
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Teaching Mama

his website was so helpful for me in developing ideas for sensory activities for Jeremy.  I loved doing her Spring Scavenger Hunt printable.  It even gave me the idea to do a fall scavenger hunt recently where we hunted for different colored leaves.
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Jeremy loves music (I think it comes form all the singing I did while he was in utero)!  Her Brain Breaks for Kids post gave us some great songs for us to sing together.

FairyPoppins

This website has a great printables that I found helpful.  My favorite one is this color Bingo!  So creative and fun to play.  She has a lot of great printables too that I have used.
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These blogs have been a lifesaver during the pandemic and while trying to home school my child in between working.  Hope you find them helpful. 
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My Second Black Wake-Up Call

10/2/2020

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Dear Diary...

All my life I’ve realized that I was black.  Well, not all my life however when I think back there is not a moment where I do not recall being aware of my skin color.  Even at a young age I remember kids in my class telling me that I couldn’t drink white milk because I was not white I had to drink chocolate milk.  Growing up I have realized that my country views me differently and that there is a second set of rules that applies to me; a set of rules that has nothing to do with fairness or equality.  Growing up I have always been told that I must be twice as smart, twice as talented, and twice as successful to get half of what my white counterparts had.  Through my years of living I have realized it as a harsh truth.   


Being black I learned about our history of enslavement, lynchings, rapes,  beatings, etc.  I have learned about the “war of northern aggression”.  I have learned about the constant attempt to subjugate my race.  I have learned about Tulsa, race riots  Jim Crow.  I have even learned about the civil rights movement.  I have never been deluded in thinking that I was somehow considered equal with my white counterparts.  I have always known that inequality was still present, that racism was still an ugly abscess that festered in America hidden and indurated under its lily white skin.


In my family we talk about people getting their black wake up call.  A call to awaken them from a deluded dream of mistakingly thinking that somehow they were viewed as equal with their white counterparts.  Being as “woke” as I thought I was I received mine for a second time as a 42 yr old woman when I realized through the murder and lack of justice for Breonna Taylor that I am not safe in my own home.   Erroneously I  believed that in America the days of whites breaking into the homes of blacks unannounced and killing them was no longer tolerated.  I never was delusional in the believing that it did not occur; but imprudently  I assumed that in my home I was safe.   Misguidedly I believed that those that would choose to  violate the sanctity of my home would be brought to justice.  I foolishly felt that in America at least in my home I had nothing to fear.  As a mother I believed that if my child if my son could just make it home he could be protected. 
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The Best Coffee Shop Around During the Pandemic

9/29/2020

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The one saving grace for me during the pandemic is that my favorite coffee shop never shut down.  They were taking orders during the height of the closures.  Only a few minutes from my bed this coffee shop has the best barista around; he started off a bit unconventional in the beginning.  He used to put many types of objects in the coffee for added flavor however he has since grown to a state of happiness with perpetual stirring of the coffee.
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Of course I’m talking about my little one!  It is so much fun to share “coffee time” with him.  I will say before the pandemic it was the highlight of my weekend but now that I’m off one day during the week and working virtually 2 days it’s like 5 days of morning bliss.  I have learned 3 things from him that I endeavor to never let go.
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No 1

Appreciate the small things.  For him an act that before was an auto pilot part of my morning has become a special ritual involving the moving of his step stool into position not only with flare but with pleas “You not do anything mommy!  Hands in the air you not do anything.  Jeremy has to get his step stool!”  The fervor with which he talks brings a smile to my face and joy in my heart. 

No 2

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Be prepared for the unexpected.  Early on in his barista career, he loved to put surprise items in the coffee, ostensibly for added flavor or just to see what happened but luckily he grew out of that phase.  But definitely being on my toes and aware of his quick movements save many a great cup of coffee from having an added bonus.  Being prepared of the unexpected.

No 3

Savoring the scent is something I love to do before I take my first sip in the morning.  However smelling coffee with my little barista take smelling coffee to a whole other level.  The joy with which he squeals as he comes up with various ways the coffee smells (usually mostly nice things) is a joy but it prompts me to think of things and to look and experience life from a different aspect.
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Coffee time is a fun time in our household and a time to take a moment in the rush of life to stretch and grow.
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The Disney Movie I Said I'd Never Let My Child See That's Now A Family Favorite!?

9/10/2020

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Before my son’s conception and birth I was a Disney fan.  I cut my teeth on the likes of Pinocchio, Fantasia, Bambi, Snow White, and many others.  When I found out I was pregnant on of the many dreams I had was of passing my love of Disney to my little one.  I dreamed of taking him to Disney Land and Disney World and walking all over and being joyfully entertained with the in person recreation of characters that we love on screen.
In 2013 Frozen came out and took the world by storm.  “Let it Go” played everywhere and tons of children were singing it and I was disgusted.  Completely overloaded I made a vow then that of all the movies in Disney I would never let my child watch Frozen.
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Photo by Park Troopers on Unsplash
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 I know, I know, I know not a very realistic plan but it was still my goal.  From all the reviews I read at the time the movie had a magic of unparalleled magnitude that I did not want my child or I to fall victim to.
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Flash forward to this year; my little one using his iPad managed to rent Frozen on Amazon Prime.  We can talk about why I didn’t have safeguards in place to prevent him from renting and buying movies later.  My cure that he had watched it was him humming the melody.  Ahh it had happened!  One night when I said we could watch any movie he loudly announce “FROZEN!”  Icy terror gripped my heart.  I suggested Moana, The Little Mermaid, or another favorite of his Turbo.  “No,” he proclaimed he wanted Frozen.  Reluctantly I selected Frozen as he crawled into may lap.  I figured I would surf IG while the movie was on.  As the movie started the “Na na na heyana” stopped me cold.  I put the phone down and watched.  I immediately was transported back to younger days when at the age of 16 hearing the opening of the Lion King.  I was hooked.
Now we sing along the the songs and we watch it several times a day.  What I feared became true, my son and I have fallen prey to the wonderful magnitude of Disney Magic.  The same excitement and passion I had when I first watched the Lion King was now emerging in my little one.  While I know that his tastes may change and movies will come and go as his titled favorite; I will never forget us sitting nestled together in my brown leather chair, that I used to rock him to sleep when he was a newborn baby, as we discovered the magic of Frozen.
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I Will No Longer Just Say Their Names...

9/4/2020

 
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"Nina Scott, a graduate of Carrboro High School and an incoming UNC first-year, painted a mural on Sunday, July 12, 2020 honoring some of the Black women who have been killed." ~Alexandra Smith From The Daily Tar Heel
 I can not bear to say their names any longer they haunt my dreams.  Dreams turning into nightmares stealing into the day causing me to jump at shadows.  Through my pregnancy I hoped that would have a daughter and prayed that I would not have a son.  My son was born and my heart was elated but my worry began.  As he grows my worry grows and I am left helpless and powerless.
A war was waged in response to the outcry of the Jewish Community due to the atrocities waged by the Nazi population.  From 1941-1945.  What war has been waged to address the 400+ years of enslavement, lynchings, rape, marginalization, discrimination, unfair imprisonment, ‘recommended’ sterilization of blacks for sentence reduction, financial imprisonment, substandard schools and access to food, tainted water sources, sanctioned murder guised as police arrest tactics, sanctioned murder under the stench of “stand your ground” rights, approved assassination poorly camouflaged as “no knock warrants”, ad nauseam.
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I grow weary and tired.  I am weary and tired.  I am done in.
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So instead of saying their names I say the names of my elected officials.  I say their names as they come up for election.  Instead of miring in fields of hopelessness I entrench in the evidence of my elected officials—what policies they support, what record have they produced, what do they stand and fall for.  Instead of saying their names I will write to the leaders that I elect requesting action on behalf of those that have been lost.  I will write their names to those I elect to protect me and my family.  Instead of saying their names I will say the names of those that say they are my “friend” but remain silent as I live in fear.  Those “friends” who do not understand why I cry, why I am afraid, what it means to be an ally—I will talk with them educate them have the difficult conversations.  I will say the names of those who feel that they are too busy to vote, those who do not understand the value of voting. 
I will voice the names of those who are supposed to protect my family and call them to act.  I will voice the names of those who fail to act, who fail to enact, who fail to heed the call to action.  I will voice their names for those names that I cannot bear to say anymore. 

The Movies Lied About Feeding Ducks

4/6/2020

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A few weeks ago I decided to take the little one to feed the ducks.  Geechi in her true nature of wanting to minister to the ducks suggested that I feed them the stale raisin break that we had left.  Remembering that raisins are toxic to dogs I hopped onto Google to make sure that raisins wouldn’t be toxic to ducks and geese.  Well to my surprise I learned something—DON’T FEED BREAD TO DUCKS!
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!  Had all the movies showing people feeding bread to ducks lied to me?!? YES.  Apparently bread provides no nutritional value to ducks the same as soda water (it’s the southern in me) to humans.  If you were lied to like I was here is a list of things you can feed to ducks and geese. 
  1. If over 4 weeks old Corn: frozen, canned, or fresh NOT POPCORN​
  2. Cucumber
  3. If over 4 weeks old Peas
  4. Scrambled eggs
  5. Dry cat/dog food
  6. Rice
  7. Bananas NO PEEL
  8. Carrots
  9. Broccoli and or Cabbage
  10. Lettuce 
The movies lied but the internet never will ???. Leave the ? at home and bring some ???????
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I'm a Black Mom and I Do Spank My Child

2/24/2020

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The time after that is merely guiding, shaping, and helping the seeds I plant grow.  Every child is different and every child learns differently.  As a child I was spanked however I do not use that as justification as to why I may spank my son.  I mention it because it’s important to know and acknowledge ones background.
I would like to start off by stating that there is a difference between spanking your child and beating/abusing your child just like there is a difference between art and pornography.  My approach differs from that of my parents which focused (as I remember) mostly on spanking as the prime deterrent after verbal correction failed. 

MY METHODS:

As my son became of the age where discipline tools where needed I initially started with counting. 

COUNTING

Counting initially didn’t work.  I remember when it began to have significance was when I popped him on his hand.  Before you get alarmed let me apprise you of the situation…he was about to touch something hot that could have burned him and I popped his hand away—instinctively to keep him from hurting himself.  He cried, I cried, and apologized profusely because I had not intended to pop him but it was an instinctive reaction and because of that instinct I had caused him harm.  I cried because at the time I felt he was afraid and that the source of his fees was me.  That was never my intention, never my goal, never my aim.  
I read an article back in 2019 that caused me to pause and think about my parenting style; “I’m A Black Mom And I Don’t Spank My Children”
While I appreciate the article because I think as parents it’s important that we hear all sides, consider all opinions when it comes to something so sensitive and personal as disciplining our children; the article left me frustrated because in it she failed to expound on her methods of disciplining her children without spanking them.  Truly a lot of articles I have read about the “evils of corporal punishment” or spanking (as I term it) as a method of disciplining your child fail to provide parents with alternative solutions. 
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​I am a firm believer that as a parent I have about the first seven years to instill in my child the morals, beliefs, discipline, etc that I want him to have. {According to Geechi it's 6! 🧑🏾‍🦳}
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​After that, I went into a slight depression and began to indulge him in everything that he wanted, to try and make up for my “error”.  My apologizing just didn’t seem enough to me and I fell into the trap of trying to use things to buy my son’s affection/forgiveness.  Luckily, my mom educated me that I was not going to be a perfect parent but that I was a perfect parent for Jeremy and I needed to remember that!

TIME OUT

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So I moved to including Time Out.  Because I live with my parents this was a double challenge because it requires consistency and buy in from the grandparents.  The first time I tried it it seemed to have an impact.  I accidentally thought that his requests to go “potty” was a stall tactic so we had a slight accident 🤦🏾‍♀️.  After I cleaned him up we talked about appropriate behavior and what mommy expects.  We hugged and then he went back to playing a little wiser.  This methods has become a great addition to my arsenal as he gets older.
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THINGS TO CONSIDER

I realize that while my child is not an adult he do have feelings and desires 🤯.  Go figure!  Just like there are days when  I don’t want to go to work or times I don’t want to clean or wash the dishes; he feels that way too so I need to take that into consideration.  Now, I’m not saying that if he doesn’t feel like picking up his toys it’s okay to not do it; but acknowledging that feeling verbally to him and explaining that it still has to be done has helped. 
In the hustle of life it’s easy to discipline but what about praising?  When I see Jeremy doing things correctly or displaying good behavior I praise him for it.  I try to set a goal that for every time I discipline incorrect behavior I praise good behavior.  It can get a little tricky when you have others who correct your child (aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, heck even strangers) but it’s important to try.  My goal no matter what is to praise him 3x a day for good behavior at the very least. 
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What’s your posture?  Are you standing over your child or are you eye to eye with them.  Getting “on his level” helps him pay attention and focus.  It also changes the dynamics and imparts a shared goal or feeling; and air of mutual respect.  I leaned this trick in medical school when talking with patients.  If I’m talking about serious health issues or engaging in a discussion; I always sit down.  No one wants to be lectured over,  not even me!
Anyone who knows me knows I despise repeating myself.  Raising a toddler I find that repeating myself raises my frustration level which is not his fault.  As a toddler his attention span is smaller than a gnat 😝.  So my patience must my grow.  If I find myself getting more frustrated than the situation calls for I stop and evaluate is this a battle I’m willing to fight.  Not every battle is worth fighting, trust me.  Geechi (my mom for new readers) asked me once if Jeremy wanted to wear a black shoe and a red shoe would I let him do that.  I thought for a moment and asked are the shoes on the correct foot. She looked at me surprised and said “Yes”.  Then I said "Yep" I would.  It’s not a battle worth fighting.  I’d rather spend my energy elsewhere like getting him to eat foods he doesn’t like but are nutritious for him.  So take a moment, is the situation worth the escalation?  Also taking a moment helps me cool down a bit and remember that my frustration is heightened not by him but by my frustration at having to repeat myself which I need to put in check. 

SPANKING

Is spanking off the table completely for me?  No, it’s not.  Is it my first go to method of discipline?  No, it’s not.  Do I think hitting my child in anger teaches them that it’s okay to hit in anger?  Yes!  Should you ever hit your child in anger? No!  But here’s the crux that gets a lot of parents I’ve talked to—you shouldn’t discipline your child in anger either.  Time out, counting down, plucking, antagonizing, ignoring bad behavior, removing children from the situation techniques should NEVER be used in anger.  So when would I use spanking as a mode of discipline?  In short; willful disobedience.
So have I had to spank my 3 year old?  Not yet.  Do I think I ever will?  I hope not but if I do here are my rules:
  1. Never in anger
  2. Never in front of others unless immediate action is required to prevent serious injury 
  3. Never spank above the waist
  4. Never without warning(s) with clear understanding of the consequences. 
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While I aim to be my son’s friend I also realize that my job as a parent is to love him, affirm him, and discipline him.  Bell Hooks, in All About Love, states that “Abuse and neglect negate love”.  Earlier in the same chapter she denounced hitting and draws no differentiation between disciplining and punishing.  However, there is a difference.  Punishment is focused on the past and is rooted in anger.  Discipline however is focused on the future and is rooted in love and care.  Even God disciplines. 
“At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.”
Hebrews 12:11 MSG
I write this not to change your mind but to be a voice of those who spank our children but in the current climate feel that we must hide in the shadows for fear of judgment.  I speak out to voice that there is a difference between spanking and abuse and when we really honestly and openly talk about it we know the difference. 
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5 Hacks You’ll Thank Me For As Your Toddler Starts Learning To Brush Their Teeth:

2/17/2020

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Teaching a toddler new things can be a joy and a struggle.
Here are 5 things that I am using to help me as I'm teaching Jeremy how to brush his teeth.

HACK #1

Sing a Song:  I know it sounds crazy.  But for my little one brushing his teeth was an odd thing for him.  Sure I did it and he was cool with that but he was initially a little resistant to the actual brush and not my finger brush.  So capitalizing on his love of music I made up a song and involved him in the process

HACK #2

Take one for the team:  Sacrifice is sometimes needed to achieve your ultimate goal.  You mouth might be sore as well as your gums and tongue but letting your little on practice on you can be a great way to demonstrate there is nothing to fear and you can show you little one the correct way to hold her/his mouth as your brush their teeth to make sure the job is done.
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Photo by Conner Baker on Unsplash
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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

HACK #4

Go to the Dollar Store:  Trust me!  I got suckered and bought my little one a character toothbrush and it lasted all of a week.  Before I knew it it was chewed up and the bristles were bent 🤦🏾‍♀️.  Imagine spending between $3.99 to $6.99 every week on a toothbrush.  So I quickly went to my local Dollar Store and picked up some tooth brushes.  They were a huge hit!  They came two to a pack which was $0.50 a brush and they had a little suction cup bottom which he finds entertaining.

HACK #3

Fluoride Free Toothpaste:  Yep it’s a bit expensive I’m not going to lie but at the beginning your little one is going to be eating and swallowing the toothpaste so you may end up having to use more than the recommended amount.  As your little one gets used to brushing their teeth and spitting vs swallowing then you can make the switch.
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HACK #5

Brush together:  Kids mimic what they see us do.  As much as you may cherish your private bathroom time opening your door up and allowing your little one to see you engage in your grooming ritual will help them figure out what to do and how to do it.
As with anything that centers around children trial an error is essential.  I hope these tools help.  If you have any other tools or suggestions please share them in the comments below 👇🏾 to help others. 
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4 Steps to Build, Rebuild, or Maintain Your Confidence

9/4/2019

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Photo by todd kent on Unsplash
Confidence is a state of flux for me.  It’s something that I constantly work on.  Why you might ask?  1) There is are always days when your girl is just not feeling it.  2) I’m always trying to enlarge my comfort zone and that can leave me in new territory and unsure.  3) There are those in the word who seek to undermine one’s confidence either because their are jealous or because they are ignorant or a combo of both. 
While there is fluctuations in my level of confidence (85%-97%) there are certain things I do to keep my tank as full as possible!

THE 4 STEPS

1. ​Daily Prayer and Affirmations:  this is a process that starts the moment I become aware of being awake.  Before my eyes open I pray and thank God for His many blessings.  I pray for strength, patience , and confidence to embrace the present of the day.  I eventually wake up and then I say by daily affirmations—they change based on my mood but they center around reminding myself that I am worthy, that I am loved and that no woman is more beautiful than when she is loved.
2. Careful selection of influencers/friends: While the term “influencer” is not my favorite term I really can’t come up with another one but I have a few select influencers that I follow on social media.  I follow them because they inspire me.  Their content is uplifting, positive, and funny.  It’s said that if you are the smartest  person in the room then you are in the wrong room.  I am careful with who my friends are.  I select friends that are strivers and doers.  Those that I can uplift and who uplift me.  Intentionality is key in confidence rebuilding and maintenance. 
3. Enlarging my comfort zone: While the journey of increasing my comfort zone can undermine my confidence on a basic level.  The fact that there are things I’m comfortable doing now that I wasn’t before is a motivator for me.  I look at where I am in my life and what I’ve overcome and realize that I can overcome what is before me!  What a great confidence builder past success is.  It’s important to acknowledge your past success and even failures.  However, do not rest on those laurels and strive for progress. 

​4.   Share and Uplift others: I know you might be thinking wait how is my uplifting of others going to help build my confidence?   Those who feel good about themselves find it easy to encourage others.  Having a positive outlook in others will turn inward and you will see the positive in your own life.  It’s a form of paying it forward.  It doesn’t detract from you to support, encourage, or compliment someone else.  Their smile will reflect back to you.  
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Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash
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Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash
Overall one must be intentional.  Intentional with how you start and end your day.  Intentional with your inner circle of friends and what you allow to influence your sphere.  Intentional in seeking out opportunities for growth and new experiences.  Intentional in spreading positivity towards others.
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