The quarantine took a lot of us by surprise. I anticipated that it would be coming however I never expected such a protracted period. As reopening phases continue my family and I are still staying as quarantined as we can. Which has left me searching for ways to engage in self-care when possible.
GiGi Honey Wax
Early during the quarantine I discovered a review of GiGi Honey Wax and ordered it. While I’m still learning my technique and I’m quite messy with it—Picture it HONEY WAX EVERYWHERE; it has become a can’t live without product that is keeping me sane and feeling a sense of normalcy during these trying times.
Yeouth 30% Glycolic Acid
Pixie by Petra Vitamin C Juice Cleaner
Laneige Lip Sleep Mask
My lip sleep mask is a must have. Currently single I’m not doing much kissing of others but my little one does appreciate the softness of my lips when I’m tickling him with mommy kisses. If you haven’t tried this lip mask you are missing out.
Baby Feet Foot Peel
Not being able to get a pedicure was driving me nuts until I remembered the Baby Feet Foot Peel I started using this past winter. Boy were my feet baby soft all winter long. I may have to polish my own toe nails but there is no reason why my feet can’t be baby soft while on quarantine.
I know, I know, I know not a very realistic plan but it was still my goal. From all the reviews I read at the time the movie had a magic of unparalleled magnitude that I did not want my child or I to fall victim to.
I grow weary and tired. I am weary and tired. I am done in.
I will voice the names of those who are supposed to protect my family and call them to act. I will voice the names of those who fail to act, who fail to enact, who fail to heed the call to action. I will voice their names for those names that I cannot bear to say anymore.
It was a moment that I had been looking forward too. I went there with an amazing woman named DeLorean. We met on Instagram and decided to room together for me it was ideal because you know the cost of NYC is out of my budget. It was during that encounter and that time away that I really began to think about my life, my purpose, my mission, my goals, and my passion. It was an innocent question that she asked. "So what is your goal with your plantform? What do you hope to accomplish?" It was a seed that had been planted and continued to slowly grow holding and taking root. As I surfed and loafed along I continued to ruminate on the questions running in my head.
Starting my new job I had a hard time figuring out what my next move was going to be. I was so busy surviving. Then the pandemic hit and I moved into full self-protection and introversion. As I isolated with my family and ultimately with myself I was left to take a deep look within. As I looked the more despondent I became. As I isolated and had more time on my hands the more I wondered “Where have I gone?” I slowly realized that in my life I had created space for everyone but myself.
Choose Yourself: Sounds simple right but actually this was one of the hardest steps for me. As a physician I’m constantly telling my patients who are caregivers to loved ones that they have to take care of themselves to avoid caregiver burnout and fatigue; however as a physician I was the worst patient. Often electing and selecting others needs and wants to precede my own. There is a reason flight attendant say “Be sure to secure your own mask before assisting others.” I started by embracing words and responses. “No.” “I don’t have the bandwidth.” “I can’t focus on that right now.” “Do you need this right now or can it wait.” and other assortments. At first I will admit I felt like I was letting people down, however the more I prioritized my needs, agenda, and my sanity the easier it became. Now, in all honesty it is still struggle and sometimes slip into my old habits but I keep fighting because, I’m worth it.
Seek help: I have started to see a therapist. There is no shame in seeking help of any kind. The only dumb question is the one not asked and the only shame is in wallowing in spaces where help is available and not using it. I don’t for a minute realize the privilege I have in finding help. Mental health resources are hard to come by and some providers don’t even accept insurances because the reimbursement rates are low and the hoops to jump through are ridiculous (let me get off my soapbox). However, with the increased use of social media and technology there are some more affordable options such as TalkSpace, etc. There is also journaling, talking with friends that you trust. Whatever the mode or the need seek help.
Try new things: Stepping out of my comfort zone has never a hard thing for me. However when in a rut it’s hard for me to see past my routine and just trying to survive. The key to lasting change is taking steps not matter how small and seemingly insignificant toward your ultimate goal. Taking inspiration from one of my favorite elements, water, I have been learning that it can cut through stone not due to its sheer force but due to the sheer force of its persistence. Small movements consistent in the purpose. There might be detours and misalignment it likely will not be a straight path but a persist patchy trying new things new ways new methods all aimed at the goal will create momentum forward.
Oprah Winfrey said "You can have it all. Just not all at once." I used to hate that quote until I realized that she's right. Gotta love "Mama O". I have realized that in trying to have it all at once I lost the most important part--myself. I am now focused on the creation of a life where as I attain and reach goals I am still energized and present to enjoy them. I am creating space in my life for me and if you have been guilty of ignoring your needs too, I invite you to come on this journey with me. Let us Create Space, and Thrive!
A few weeks ago I decided to take the little one to feed the ducks. Geechi in her true nature of wanting to minister to the ducks suggested that I feed them the stale raisin break that we had left. Remembering that raisins are toxic to dogs I hopped onto Google to make sure that raisins wouldn’t be toxic to ducks and geese. Well to my surprise I learned something—DON’T FEED BREAD TO DUCKS!
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT! Had all the movies showing people feeding bread to ducks lied to me?!? YES. Apparently bread provides no nutritional value to ducks the same as soda water (it’s the southern in me) to humans. If you were lied to like I was here is a list of things you can feed to ducks and geese.
The movies lied but the internet never will ???. Leave the ? at home and bring some ???????
While I aim to be my son’s friend I also realize that my job as a parent is to love him, affirm him, and discipline him. Bell Hooks, in All About Love, states that “Abuse and neglect negate love”. Earlier in the same chapter she denounced hitting and draws no differentiation between disciplining and punishing. However, there is a difference. Punishment is focused on the past and is rooted in anger. Discipline however is focused on the future and is rooted in love and care. Even God disciplines.
“At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.”
Hebrews 12:11 MSG
I write this not to change your mind but to be a voice of those who spank our children but in the current climate feel that we must hide in the shadows for fear of judgment. I speak out to voice that there is a difference between spanking and abuse and when we really honestly and openly talk about it we know the difference.
As with anything that centers around children trial an error is essential. I hope these tools help. If you have any other tools or suggestions please share them in the comments below 👇🏾 to help others.
Know your worth! Acknowledge your worth! Declare your worth!
Care for your heart
Love yourself first
Treat Her Like A Lady:
How Can You Say That It’s Over:
I’ll Keep My Light In My Window:
If you are looking for an album of love this month and don’t mind a “retro” sound. Check out Truly For You by the Temptations.
I have had patients pray over me, for me, and give their advice. I’ve had patient ask me to pray for them, ask me to celebrate in their triumphs and cry with them in their sorrow. It is a truly an honor this vocation to which we have been called.
I look forward to new conversations, new atmosphere, new stories, new interactions. I look forward!
Embracing my imperfection and striving for perfection through grace.