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WHAT A MOTHER?!?!

4/24/2019

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It’s fast approaching…Mother’s Day. I used to think that it was over commercialized and not necessary because isn’t every day a day for a mother???!!!! Heck no!!! After having my little one I realized that there are very few days that are for mothers and sometimes even Mother’s Day is not for mothers.
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For those out there needing inspiration for what to get that mother who you think has “everything”; here is my advice: ASK HER!!!!
A lot of us are hoping to be asked what we want for Mother’s Day because we know that the people in our lives have no clue about what we want or really need for Mother’s Day because if they did—Mother’s Day would be more a frequent occurrence than just once a year.
However, I know some are still not going to ask because then there would be no “surprise”. So here are some suggestions I have based on some of the mothers that are in my life. While mothers are typically a great meld of many different strengths hopefully this will spark inspiration depending on the “type” of mother you are celebrating:

​THE TIRED MOTHER:

This is all mothers at some point and time. For some of us however fatigue is a constant state of being. They usually have a new born baby or a baby that doesn’t sleep all the way through the night. Sometimes the baby or child sleeps through the night but they are up well after everyone has gone to sleep doing laundry, cleaning, finishing projects, getting bags ready for school, or a myriad of other items. It might be the grandmother in your life that is retired but still works to help you raise your child. You might notice that she runs on coffee, tea or some other caffeinated beverage…but who am I kidding a lot of us do. For those caregiver grandmothers types you might notice that at the first opportunity she will “retire” to her bedroom once her “shift” is over. She is always willing to help with a smile on her face but often stifles a sigh.
For this mother there are several options for gifts. A gift card to her favorite coffee shop if she likes baristas is an easy bet. For the self proclaimed barista, the mother who just prefers her own home brew, or is not that into coffee you can supply her with enough of her fuel of choice for 3 months. That should bring a smile to her face. Another option for those who don’t want to devalue the day with monetary items—a day or a few hours sans little ones to take a nap or just sit and rest. I think I can go out on a limb to say this would be appreciated. The caregiver grandmother will NEVER tell you she’s tired. She will NEVER say no to an opportunity to watch her charge. However, spending time with the little one without the need to change a diaper, get juice, fix food, chase after the runner, discipline would be a day in heaven. So, don’t keep the little one away from this mother just pick up all the slack. Let her enjoy the day of spoiling and hugging and smiling. A refreshing moment to be on the “good” side if you will is a gift she willl treasure.
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​THE CHEF MOTHER:

Again this category applies to all mothers as well…however this mother is known for her culinary talents and skills with a skillet. She is not averse to throwing a culinary delight together or making magic out of last nights (or weeks—no judgements) left overs. Signs that this is the mother before you is that she will undoubtedly know the isles of the supermarket by heart or she may be a whiz at Instacart or PeaPod (having her own favorites list). She likely knows a good bargain when she sees it and knows why a watched pot will never boils.
For this mother I would suggest a dinner out at her favorite restaurant (NOT ON MOTHER’S DAY) because as we all know service on Mother’s Day tends to suck and the restaurants are packed. Another option if she has expressed interest (that’s where it pays to listen) is a cooking class. If funds are a factor try cooking her favorite meal—just make sure you clean up the kitchen after you wine and dine her. 😉 Another present that’s is sure to please would be a coupon book (yep it’s been done before) but this would be coupons for free cleanup of the kitchen, free help in the kitchen, or even a coupon for breakfast or dinner in bed.

​THE CREATIVE/ARTISTIC MOTHER:

Creativity is a must for most mothers, as we creatively juggle a 36 hour day worth of activities into a 24 hour day. This mother however had a penchant for making things, or repurposing items and making arts projects. She may even have a side business centered around something she makes or does-like a blog, book, bath salt bombs, soaps, lotions , or hair products. She is always ready to see the potential in mess and clutter. She is the one that the kids run to for last minute projects that are due and she is always able to make something work.
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A Paint N Sip night with her friends or solo would be a nice treat and change of pace. She might even go for a gift card to her favorite craft store. Budget friendly options would be looking for items that she would like to repurpose or a trip to a local museum or art gallery if she is into that kind of thing to add additional fuel to her creative fire. A picnic in the park if a local group is playing music would be a funky and artsy good time as well. Handmade crafts make this moms world however so would some time devot to her craft without wondering if the house is going to pot.

​THE SINGLE MOTHER:

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This mother for whatever reason is holding things down on her own. Whether is due to deployment, divorce, or what have you; this mother like all mothers is doing her best sometimes without a support system in place. Sometimes it’s hard for this mother as with all mothers to get a moments peace. Bathroom partners are common as well as laundry helpers, kitchen compadres, and just extra sets of hands and feet not matter what the task are always “present” to help make things “easier”. Got to love the helpers that will often hit their teen years and cease wanting to help. It’s hard for this mother to ask for help because she does not want to be seen as unable to handle the load. It’s also hard for this mother to accept help at times again not want to be perceived as unable. She often, as most mothers do, neglects herself and her needs to put those of her children first.
Time alone is typically at the top of this mom’s list. Just a moment to void in peace, actually take a bath/shower without racing through to beat the little ones from destroying the house or fighting with each other. A night out with the friends, time to curl up with one of the many good books on her nightstand table that she has every good intention of reading but can’t stay awake long enough to get past page 3. This mother would probably like most mothers love the gift of a photoshoot with her children as she is typically found behind the camera and rarely in front of the camera during memorable times.

​THE ORGANIZED MOTHER:

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She always appears to have everything together—play dates, the correct number of snacks, wipes, diapers, and toys. She’s the one to ask about upcoming children’s events, festivals, playtimes, etc. While she is the envy of every disorganized mother such as myself, she is not without her own needs and times where her needs get cast aside for the sake of the family. She has her own chaos and confusion however it's just not as visible. This mothers facade is not fake its just the cracks are just harder to see because she is truly holding it all together. Her supporters love her and cherish her. Her family relies on her. She is a planner and a budgeter. She is an oranizer and is very thorough.
Whatever you do...DO NOT buy her an organizer! You will likely get the wrong kind. With all the things she juggles in the air she is likely putting herself last as most mothers/parents due. Giving her an opportunity to put herself first would be a great gift. Shuttling the little ones to play dates, the library, sleep overs, etc would be an awesome gift. This mom also might love a massage, pedicure, manicure, or all-in-one spa day.
I hope you found inspiration in the paragraphs above for gift giving to that special mother in your life. Good luck and give your mother a hug for me on her special day!
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5 BOOKS YOU HAVE TO ADD TO YOUR CHILDREN'S LIBRARY

4/10/2019

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Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.” — Frederick Douglass. 
Education has always been a core fundamental principle in my family and one that I strive to instill in my son.  When I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic.  One of the first things I purchased for my little one was a book.  (The actual first thing I purchased for my baby was a set of onesies with Star Trek themes as a way to announce my pregnancy to my father).
I constantly search for books for my little one that will appeal to him, grow his vocabulary, and provide him with new exposures and cultures.  I also look for books where he can find himself represented and reflected in the stories.   It is so important for me that the stories be authentic and imaginative.  I don’t look for the stereotypical story about slavery, segregation, and black historical figures I search beyond that.  I search and long for stories that will engage my son and spark his imagination, cultivate his sense of wonderment.
Here are a few that I’ve collected:

THE KING OF TOO MANY THINGS

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The King of Too Many Things By: Laurel Snyder Illustrated by Aurore Damant

Right now this is Jeremey’s favorite one at bedtime. Initially he did not want to sit still as I read it because he was so used to short board books. However, when I started doing the voices he was initially intrigued and then when he actually looked at the pictures which are very colorful he was hooked. Now as we read he points out the characters and we count the kittens and other items in the book.

I found this book quite by accident while I was shopping on Zulily. WHO KNEW THEY SOMETIMES HAD CHILDREN’S BOOKS 🤦🏾‍♀️!

As a parent I love the fact that he is seeing a main character that is of his complexion and hue. I also adore the messages of the story that sometimes more is not better and when you are in a hole the best thing to do is to stop digging 👍🏾.

A LULLABY OF SUMMER THINGS

A Lullaby of Summer Things By: Natalie R. Ziarnik Illustrated by Madeline Valentine


Again this is another find I stumbled across on Zulily. (Don’t sleep on Zulily—it make take a few + weeks for you to get things but if you aren’t in a rush there there is no problem). Jeremy like this story as do I. The rhymes and the cadence appeal to our sing song time. The illustrations are so adorable and detailed. I love pointing at items and having Jeremy tell me what they are. It’s another way I help build up his vocabulary.
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CHOCOLATE ME!

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Chocolate Me! By Taye Diggs Illustrated by Shane W. Evans


This book about self acceptance was a must for our little family. The message that no matter what others say how you feel about you is key is a message that I want resonating in his mind for all time. The illustrations are vibrant which definitely attracts Jeremy and when we get to the cupcakes…that’s all I hear about for 2 hours…Cupcakes Cupcakes Cupcakes!
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WHOSE KNEES ARE THESE

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Whose Knees Are These By Jabari Asim Illustrated by LeUyen Pham


I love this little board book. Jeremy actually picked it out at the library and it’s such a hit that I’ve ordered it from Barnes and Noble for it be part of our collection. The rhyming lyrics are cute as well as the illustrations. I love the fact that all you see are the knees for most of the book until almost the end.
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THE WORLD IS AWAKE

The World is Awake By: Linsey Davis with Joseph Bottum Illustrated by Lucy Fleming

This book is definitely a wonderful find. I enjoy the different perspective on celebrating creation in all it's wonder.  The illustrations are vibrant and inviting with a level of detail that allows us to go beyond the words and marvel at the pictures.  
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WOHM TO SAHM: WORKING OUTSIDE THE HOME MOTHER TO STAY AT HOME MOTHER

4/3/2019

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I stumbled across this chart from a blogger who titles herself as “The Transformed Wife”.  Just from viewing her FB page and her blog I am sure that she would not approve of me being a single mother—the whole fornication and not being chaste thing 😉.  On her blog she posted a diagram that I assume she wrote attempting to compare/contrast mothers with careers and mothers who “don’t have careers.”   Reading the diagram gave me pause.  Initially I was upset with the depiction of mothers who work outside the home.  Then I became upset at the assumption that being a stay at home mother is not considered a career choice.  As I perused the diagram further the assumptions that were made about both Stay at Home Mothers and Mothers Who Work Outside the Home was infuriating because I was guilty of some of them 😔.
The only personal example I have of the SAHM life is my cousin Bethany.  First let me say If you aren’t following her on YouTube you are missing out on a treat, she’s on a slight hiatus right now with her new babies—2 little girls and her new business—Texas Reign.  However when she is back on YouTube you will find that she’s hilarious, a bit country, and very resourceful.  You can check out her previous vlogs here.  After I had my son and had to return to work my jealousy of her only increased.  At first I was jealous of her for 3 reasons:
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One: Her hair:  When I tell you that her hair is gorgeous and grows with a fierceness I’m not lying and so do her nails.  I swear her hair is on steroids or something!  It’s grows quick and thick.  I don’t know where she got those genes.

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​Two: She’s very pretty and photogenic:  Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I’m ugly by any stretch of the imagination but her smile is infectious and dazzling.  In addition to that she has this baby fresh youthful face that will serve her well when she’s my age 😊.   I mean look at her!
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Three:  The girl is creative as heck!:  She made an activity board for my son to play with from scratch.  She and her husband made a chicken coop from scratch.  Right now I think she and her husband are making a playground for her oldest daughter.  She also makes bath soaps her business is called Texas Reign Artisan Soaps. She can draw, paint, do her own hair!  She is a true Renaissance woman!
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​Now I had to add a fourth reason: She has the ability to be a stay at home mom while I don’t.  I would love the be able to stay at home and raise my son, however that is not a possibility for me long term as a single mother who is not independently wealthy.  ​I would dream that her days at home were better than my days at work.  I would imagine that she was cooking delicious meals from scratch for her family every day while I was reheating food precooked on the weekend if I was lucky or getting fast food if the meal didn’t cover the whole work week or I didn’t have time to preplan.  I imagined that she was more rested than I was and was able to engage more with her child. 
I realized that subconsciously I was guilty of making assumptions just like the “Transformed Wife”.  While the grass appears greener on the other side it wasn’t.  I soon realized from the brief conversations that she and I were able to have with both our hectic schedules that we have a lot in common in adapting to our new roles as mothers.  Often there is a pitting of SAHM (Stay At Home Mothers) against WOHM (Working Outside The Home Mothers).  Motherhood is not a competition; it’s a journey to be shared with others.   As I have temporarily changed my role from a WOHM to SAHM I am blessed to enjoy this new season of my life and I truly cherish the gift and opportunity realizing the grass isn’t greener on the other side it’s just different and has to be cared for differently.
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    Embracing my imperfection and striving for perfection through grace.

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