The one constant in life is change and I’m making a big one. It’s hard to be in the position of realizing that what you love to do is negatively impacting your loved one--ME! I have always grown up believing that as a woman I could have it all—and foolishly believed that meant at the same time. I don’t know where is got the idea from—certainly not from my mother! But someone planted that seed and I allowed it to grow unfettered and unchecked and it became an overwhelming weed in my life garden. As black women we are held up to be this pinnacle of strength; we can handle whatever comes our way. We are considered impervious to harm and HER-oic when facing adversity.
As I have aged I have realized that I having it all at the same time is not realistic for my life in this instance. While I feel horrible abandoning my patients it is a matter of self care. If my cup is empty how can I continue to pour into them? I need to put my own oxygen mask on first! What this all looks like—I have no idea. What my plans are—the Lord will reveal. But as a planner I do know what is on my schedule for March 11th—my son and I are going to Krispy Kreme so he can experience his first doughnut! 🍩.
I was in a restaurant this weekend with my son and there was this couple who were expecting sitting next to us. Reading body language it was easy to see looks exchange between the two of them as my son carried on being a 2 year old—singing, talking, trying to play with things he shouldn’t, refusing to eat food, putting food on the table and then eating it—typical 2 year old shenanigans.
As a non-parent it was so easy for me to proclaim what things I would or would not do as a mother; essentially sit in a seat of judgment as to what was “good parenting”😔. As a mother I realize all too clearly now that parenting is hard and full of difficult choices. As I look back through the eyes of that mother-to-be into the mother that I am now, I recall 5 things I said I would never do that not do I do but I do routinely.
Wipe my kids face with my spit: My spit is so handy and so is my hand. Yes I used to say I would always use a wipe. I never understood why parents wouldn’t just use a wipe. LOL—toddlers move fast and so do their bodily juices. Sometimes the wipe is out of reach and my hand or fingers are more expedient 🤧 I know it’s not hygienic but it’s reality.
Bring an iPad to outings: Limit screen time! Avoid exposure to electronics! Electronics can impair your child’s learning! I heard all this when I was pregnant and I was determined that my child wouldn’t have access to an iPad. As Jeremy got older his curiosity in electronics increased. I began to wonder was I impairing his learning by keeping him from something that has become so commonplace in society. I also realized that as my mother was his caregiver for most of the day and time having to not fight this struggle would also give her some downtime as well. So we tested it out with an old generation iPad that I had. Jeremy picked it up quickly so I deleted a lot of my apps and installed educational apps. We also used it as a tool together for reading books online.
Co-Sleeping: stay tuned for my next upcoming blog post where I delve into this matter in more detail but suffice it to say that my original plan was not to co-sleep with my little one.
Fall asleep before my little one: A momma be tired! I try to stay awake but his energy is boundless. I remember I was trying to put Jeremy to sleep and my friend said that they walked in and found me asleep and Jeremy watching TV 🤦🏾♀️
Posting pictures of my little one on social media: I initially had said that I would not post any pictures of my little one on social media, and I initially kept that promise. As I started my blog and began the journey of sharing my journey I realized that motherhood is a part of that journey and Jeremy is a part of that. Some thought it was because I was ashamed of him which is far from the case. It was more initially and effort to protect him. I have realized that social media is not going anywhere and that to truly protect him I must be savvy in how it works and I want to set an example of how to be a responsible user.
As we finished our meal, paid for the check, and walked out I turned and looked at the young couple, smiled, expressed my congratulations, and wished them all the best on this new chapter in their life.
I have been waiting to bring this blogger inspired outfit to you ever since I saw it in 2018 and started crafting the look. Geechi inadvertently added the extra spice with her and Jeremy’s Christmas gift to me! So If you haven’t caught my previous blogger inspired look of CeCe Olisa you can check it out here.
This look was inspired by Faith Lasha and when I saw it I knew it would be perfect for Valentine’s Day.
I needed a special look to celebrate my singleness this year. If you aren’t following her on IG I recommend that you do because she has some fierce looks, and fierceness is what I wanted to channel.
So what do you think…TADOW???
I used to truly hate this time of year! As a constantly single woman; the impending V-Day (and no V does not stand for Voldemort) brings dread, feelings of loneliness and memories of old relationship haunts. Luckily through the years I learned that singleness is not loneliness and I now cherish Valentines Day whether I’m in a relationship or not because it’s a day that I celebrate my love of self and the non-romantic love that others have shown me🥰! I hope that doesn’t sound selfish; I’ve realized that to celebrate my singleness means to celebrate myself, being comfortable with my own company, and. acknowledging the ways that others have shown their love to me. No don’t get a sistah wrong if I had a man I would want to be spending Valentines Day with him; but with the day being commercialized and focused on couples and boo's it can make a single gal feel left out 😕.
So I thought I would share with other single persons and parents what I do to mark this season of self love and reflection of non-romantic love in my life:
It’s the little things that make me happy these days not extravagance. Loving myself and showing my love for others is the best way to celebrate Valentine’s Day and really every day of the year! How are you going to spend your Valentine's Day?
I am no Oprah but I do have a list of things that I can’t live without. Now that list is quite different from my Must Have Mommy list; but that’s a blog post for another day 😁.
Embracing my imperfection and striving for perfection through grace.