I fully intended to have a child out of wedlock, however I never imagined that I would be raising a child in my own. Signs that I missed in choosing my partner I finally saw before the birth of my child that showed me that he was not ready to be a parent. I realized that I had to make a hard choice for the sake of my son. There are some that will say I was wrong to make the choice to be a single parent and there are others that will agree. While there were 3 reasons I made the decision I made they were rooted in one core realization and advice from my aunt.
My aunt who is like a second mother to me said “When I became a mother all bull💩 stopped.” She went on to say that everything she did and still does is with her child in mind. She encouraged me to do remember that when it comes to my son I would have to make hard decisions often. She encouraged me to always remember to put my child’s welfare at the forefront of every decision. Who cares what others think or say, she told me. Who cares what they think about decisions that are none of their business. I encourage you to remember that when your are making your decisions.
I’ll admit that I missed the warning signs that others saw, namely my father and mother. They say hindsight is 20/20. However making the choice to be a single parent was the right decision for me and for my son. Parenting should be a choice. While creating a child takes a minimum two people raising a child takes a village. I takes those who are dedicated and those who put the child’s interest and needs first.
My first reason for becoming a single parent was that it freed me from the hassle of having to consult someone else in my parenting decisions. That freedom is precious and priceless to me. While friends and family questioned why I was not seeing financial support. It was a natural and simple decision for me; the freedom to make decisions regarding my son with no interference is priceless. It freed me from having to justify my actions with a co-parent that might not be able to set aside their own needs.
Secondly I realized that I did not want my sone to be treated or subjected to what I considered substandard treatment and care. When my son’s father and I broke up I vowed that I would not let him dismiss our child in the manner that I had witnessed him dismissing his own but turned a blind eye to out of love. After the birth of my son I watched and waited to see if he would change. As Maya Angelou is quoted as saying “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Finally, while I officially come from a two parent household I was raised by a mother who functioned often as a single parent while my father was off working or in school pursuing his masters and PhD. The bond that I have with my mother is tight and strong. She is my first best friend. That relationship that my other cultivated was that of a team. We had to survive with each other and depend on each other. I feel that my son will learn like I did that teamwork, dependability, and a sense of empowerment that he will gain from my own empowerment.
I choose to be a single parent; while it’s the hardest and most important job I have it is the most gratifying and I’m thankful that my choice allows me to operate in peace. A peace that no amount of money or financial support can buy.
Embracing my imperfection and striving for perfection through grace.