In my many attempts to address my hirsutism my skin has been left with areas of darkness called, hyperpigmentation.  I have tried turmeric masks and various skin products that have left me without any improvement.  Before COVID-19 I was looking into dermatologists to consider facial peels as a way to begin addressing this area of my skin that causes me much frustration.  During that time I was asked to try Yeouth’s 30% Glycolic Acid Gel Peel.  Slowly, over the months of quarantine but surely I have been noting more evening of my skin and lightening my hyperpigmentation.  I still have a ways to go but this is working well for me.

If you you’ve been following me you might remember my previous post about my “No Water Skin Routine” not everyone was receptive but you know this mom is gonna do what she gotta do.  With things being scarce I was not able to get my usual Biore Charcoal Micellar Water so I decided to give Pixie by Petra Vitamin C Juice Cleaner a try.  It smells amazing.  I love how it makes my skin feel refreshed and soft.

Before my son’s conception and birth I was a Disney fan.  I cut my teeth on the likes of Pinocchio, Fantasia, Bambi, Snow White, and many others.  When I found out I was pregnant on of the many dreams I had was of passing my love of Disney to my little one.  I dreamed of taking him to Disney Land and Disney World and walking all over and being joyfully entertained with the in person recreation of characters that we love on screen.

In 2013 Frozen came out and took the world by storm.  “Let it Go” played everywhere and tons of children were singing it and I was disgusted.  Completely overloaded I made a vow then that of all the movies in Disney I would never let my child watch Frozen.

Flash forward to this year; my little one using his iPad managed to rent Frozen on Amazon Prime.  We can talk about why I didn’t have safeguards in place to prevent him from renting and buying movies later.  My cure that he had watched it was him humming the melody.  Ahh it had happened!  One night when I said we could watch any movie he loudly announce “FROZEN!”  Icy terror gripped my heart.  I suggested Moana, The Little Mermaid, or another favorite of his Turbo.  “No,” he proclaimed he wanted Frozen.  Reluctantly I selected Frozen as he crawled into may lap.  I figured I would surf IG while the movie was on.  As the movie started the “Na na na heyana” stopped me cold.  I put the phone down and watched.  I immediately was transported back to younger days when at the age of 16 hearing the opening of the Lion King.  I was hooked.

Now we sing along the the songs and we watch it several times a day.  What I feared became true, my son and I have fallen prey to the wonderful magnitude of Disney Magic.  The same excitement and passion I had when I first watched the Lion King was now emerging in my little one.  While I know that his tastes may change and movies will come and go as his titled favorite; I will never forget us sitting nestled together in my brown leather chair, that I used to rock him to sleep when he was a newborn baby, as we discovered the magic of Frozen.

 I can not bear to say their names any longer they haunt my dreams.  Dreams turning into nightmares stealing into the day causing me to jump at shadows.  Through my pregnancy I hoped that would have a daughter and prayed that I would not have a son.  My son was born and my heart was elated but my worry began.  As he grows my worry grows and I am left helpless and powerless.

A war was waged in response to the outcry of the Jewish Community due to the atrocities waged by the Nazi population.  From 1941-1945.  What war has been waged to address the 400+ years of enslavement, lynchings, rape, marginalization, discrimination, unfair imprisonment, ‘recommended’ sterilization of blacks for sentence reduction, financial imprisonment, substandard schools and access to food, tainted water sources, sanctioned murder guised as police arrest tactics, sanctioned murder under the stench of “stand your ground” rights, approved assassination poorly camouflaged as “no knock warrants”, ad nauseam.

So instead of saying their names I say the names of my elected officials.  I say their names as they come up for election.  Instead of miring in fields of hopelessness I entrench in the evidence of my elected officials—what policies they support, what record have they produced, what do they stand and fall for.  Instead of saying their names I will write to the leaders that I elect requesting action on behalf of those that have been lost.  I will write their names to those I elect to protect me and my family.  Instead of saying their names I will say the names of those that say they are my “friend” but remain silent as I live in fear.  Those “friends” who do not understand why I cry, why I am afraid, what it means to be an ally—I will talk with them educate them have the difficult conversations.  I will say the names of those who feel that they are too busy to vote, those who do not understand the value of voting. 

I have been on a journey of self reflection, cultivation, and engagement.  To truly understand I’m going to have to go back aways; see that’s how my mind works.  Nothing is ever linear in my world and I also I believe in life.  It started actually back in September of 2019 when I was at the CurvyCon in New York City.

“Create Space Girl and Thrive!” I finally told myself. Next I needed to discern what that would look like for me at this juncture of my life?  It has been both  a painful and pleasurable process.  Keyword process because it’s a constant choice and effort.  There are days when it comes easy like soft butter and then there are days when I struggle and fall back into old patterns that do not serve me and thereby do not serve my family.

1. If over 4 weeks old Corn: frozen, canned, or fresh NOT POPCORN​
   
2. Cucumber
3. If over 4 weeks old Peas
4. Scrambled eggs
5. Dry cat/dog food
6. Rice
7. Bananas NO PEEL
8. Carrots
9. Broccoli and or Cabbage
10. Lettuce 

The time after that is merely guiding, shaping, and helping the seeds I plant grow.  Every child is different and every child learns differently.  As a child I was spanked however I do not use that as justification as to why I may spank my son.  I mention it because it’s important to know and acknowledge ones background.

I would like to start off by stating that there is a difference between spanking your child and beating/abusing your child just like there is a difference between art and pornography.  My approach differs from that of my parents which focused (as I remember) mostly on spanking as the prime deterrent after verbal correction failed. 

As my son became of the age where discipline tools where needed I initially started with counting. 

Counting initially didn’t work.  I remember when it began to have significance was when I popped him on his hand.  Before you get alarmed let me apprise you of the situation…he was about to touch something hot that could have burned him and I popped his hand away—instinctively to keep him from hurting himself.  He cried, I cried, and apologized profusely because I had not intended to pop him but it was an instinctive reaction and because of that instinct I had caused him harm.  I cried because at the time I felt he was afraid and that the source of his fees was me.  That was never my intention, never my goal, never my aim.  

I read an article back in 2019 that caused me to pause and think about my parenting style; “I’m A Black Mom And I Don’t Spank My Children”
While I appreciate the article because I think as parents it’s important that we hear all sides, consider all opinions when it comes to something so sensitive and personal as disciplining our children; the article left me frustrated because in it she failed to expound on her methods of disciplining her children without spanking them.  Truly a lot of articles I have read about the “evils of corporal punishment” or spanking (as I term it) as a method of disciplining your child fail to provide parents with alternative solutions. 
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​I am a firm believer that as a parent I have about the first seven years to instill in my child the morals, beliefs, discipline, etc that I want him to have. {According to Geechi it's 6! 🧑🏾‍🦳}

​After that, I went into a slight depression and began to indulge him in everything that he wanted, to try and make up for my “error”.  My apologizing just didn’t seem enough to me and I fell into the trap of trying to use things to buy my son’s affection/forgiveness.  Luckily, my mom educated me that I was not going to be a perfect parent but that I was a perfect parent for Jeremy and I needed to remember that!

So I moved to including Time Out.  Because I live with my parents this was a double challenge because it requires consistency and buy in from the grandparents.  The first time I tried it it seemed to have an impact.  I accidentally thought that his requests to go “potty” was a stall tactic so we had a slight accident 🤦🏾‍♀️.  After I cleaned him up we talked about appropriate behavior and what mommy expects.  We hugged and then he went back to playing a little wiser.  This methods has become a great addition to my arsenal as he gets older.
​

I realize that while my child is not an adult he do have feelings and desires 🤯.  Go figure!  Just like there are days when  I don’t want to go to work or times I don’t want to clean or wash the dishes; he feels that way too so I need to take that into consideration.  Now, I’m not saying that if he doesn’t feel like picking up his toys it’s okay to not do it; but acknowledging that feeling verbally to him and explaining that it still has to be done has helped. 

In the hustle of life it’s easy to discipline but what about praising?  When I see Jeremy doing things correctly or displaying good behavior I praise him for it.  I try to set a goal that for every time I discipline incorrect behavior I praise good behavior.  It can get a little tricky when you have others who correct your child (aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, heck even strangers) but it’s important to try.  My goal no matter what is to praise him 3x a day for good behavior at the very least. 

What’s your posture?  Are you standing over your child or are you eye to eye with them.  Getting “on his level” helps him pay attention and focus.  It also changes the dynamics and imparts a shared goal or feeling; and air of mutual respect.  I leaned this trick in medical school when talking with patients.  If I’m talking about serious health issues or engaging in a discussion; I always sit down.  No one wants to be lectured over,  not even me!

Anyone who knows me knows I despise repeating myself.  Raising a toddler I find that repeating myself raises my frustration level which is not his fault.  As a toddler his attention span is smaller than a gnat 😝.  So my patience must my grow.  If I find myself getting more frustrated than the situation calls for I stop and evaluate is this a battle I’m willing to fight.  Not every battle is worth fighting, trust me.  Geechi (my mom for new readers) asked me once if Jeremy wanted to wear a black shoe and a red shoe would I let him do that.  I thought for a moment and asked are the shoes on the correct foot. She looked at me surprised and said “Yes”.  Then I said "Yep" I would.  It’s not a battle worth fighting.  I’d rather spend my energy elsewhere like getting him to eat foods he doesn’t like but are nutritious for him.  So take a moment, is the situation worth the escalation?  Also taking a moment helps me cool down a bit and remember that my frustration is heightened not by him but by my frustration at having to repeat myself which I need to put in check. 

Is spanking off the table completely for me?  No, it’s not.  Is it my first go to method of discipline?  No, it’s not.  Do I think hitting my child in anger teaches them that it’s okay to hit in anger?  Yes!  Should you ever hit your child in anger? No!  But here’s the crux that gets a lot of parents I’ve talked to—you shouldn’t discipline your child in anger either.  Time out, counting down, plucking, antagonizing, ignoring bad behavior, removing children from the situation techniques should NEVER be used in anger.  So when would I use spanking as a mode of discipline?  In short; willful disobedience.

So have I had to spank my 3 year old?  Not yet.  Do I think I ever will?  I hope not but if I do here are my rules:

Teaching a toddler new things can be a joy and a struggle.

Here are 5 things that I am using to help me as I'm teaching Jeremy how to brush his teeth.

Sing a Song:  I know it sounds crazy.  But for my little one brushing his teeth was an odd thing for him.  Sure I did it and he was cool with that but he was initially a little resistant to the actual brush and not my finger brush.  So capitalizing on his love of music I made up a song and involved him in the process

Take one for the team:  Sacrifice is sometimes needed to achieve your ultimate goal.  You mouth might be sore as well as your gums and tongue but letting your little on practice on you can be a great way to demonstrate there is nothing to fear and you can show you little one the correct way to hold her/his mouth as your brush their teeth to make sure the job is done.

Go to the Dollar Store:  Trust me!  I got suckered and bought my little one a character toothbrush and it lasted all of a week.  Before I knew it it was chewed up and the bristles were bent 🤦🏾‍♀️.  Imagine spending between $3.99 to $6.99 every week on a toothbrush.  So I quickly went to my local Dollar Store and picked up some tooth brushes.  They were a huge hit!  They came two to a pack which was $0.50 a brush and they had a little suction cup bottom which he finds entertaining.

Fluoride Free Toothpaste:  Yep it’s a bit expensive I’m not going to lie but at the beginning your little one is going to be eating and swallowing the toothpaste so you may end up having to use more than the recommended amount.  As your little one gets used to brushing their teeth and spitting vs swallowing then you can make the switch.

Brush together:  Kids mimic what they see us do.  As much as you may cherish your private bathroom time opening your door up and allowing your little one to see you engage in your grooming ritual will help them figure out what to do and how to do it.

It’s hard out here!  Let me tell you!  For those that have found their mates and are in happy relationships…CONGRATULATIONS!  However for those of us who are still kissing frogs, worms, slugs, pugs, and so on the end of a relationship can be hard.

I recently ended a relationship that had been on and off again for the last 2 years.  It left me heartbroken to end it because I was in love.  Suffering repeated heartbreak and disappointment can leave one feeling jaded, unloved, and defeated.  In my 42 years I have been unlucky in my search but I still remain optimistic and a hopeless romantic by doing these 5 things.

There is always one side another side and somewhere in the middle lies the truth.  This is the hardest step for me to really look back and be honest about things in any relationship that I could have done differently or better.  It easy to remember and recall the faults or errors of others but so difficult sometimes to acknowledge our own.  Sometimes there is not fault to be laid at your feet and sometimes there is.

You don’t have to go to the person and say I forgive you; that isn’t always possible or advisable.  But the act of purposefully and fully forgiving the other person and yourself is key.  The act of forgiving opens you up and frees you from the baggage of past hurts

Sometimes in relationships that end others can try and tear your down mentally and emotionally.  Sometimes we can begin to doubt our self worth.  Our confidence can get hammered; especially when we look at our friends who have found their special someone.  We can turn inward and wonder “why not me” “what’s wrong with me”?  Well nothing is!  If you have fully addressed and been honest with yourself about your part or lack of let in your relationships end then you can quickly see that there is nothing wrong with you.  The act of comparison can be a foothold for your self worth to be annihilated.  So stop comparing!  If you know your worth, acknowledge your worth and declare your worth then there is no reason to compare yourself to anyone else.

It’s easy to go into full wall up and protective mode when your heart is broken.  It’s a naturally reaction.  However there is a difference between caring and protecting your heart and walling yourself and your heart off.  Protect yourself,  pay attention to the red flags, your inner “woman” sense, your knowledge from past experiences in your life.  Be knowledgeable and wise in your actions, be careful but do not wall yourself off in loneliness.  By forgiving the other person it’s easier to trust.

If you love yourself first you are never without love.  If you love yourself first and fully then the love of another is extra and becomes a treat not a necessity.  Falling steadily in love with ones self is the best love affair.  It's a love affair to remember!

Have you ever heard a song or even a whole album that takes you down memory lane?  Well a few weeks ago I was riding in the car with Geechi and The Temptations album Truly For You circa 1984 started playing and I was immediately teleported back in time.  I can remember listening to the album on tape in my parents car as we went up the road to visit family in the country.  I love that music has that ability to transport you in time; it’s like ones own time machine.

I remember listening to the album and being mesmerized by the harmonies and vocals.  While the album in total is great I have my favorite tracks that instantly bring a smile to my face. 

I can remember this song crooning through the speakers and my dad singing parts of the song and looking at my mom and my mom grinning.  I remember thinking that I wanted to be treated like a lady; it seemed nice.  Something to aim for.  “Now I like opening doors—Picking up her hanky off the floor—Treat her like a lady”

Growing up and being watched by my grandmother I grew up watching soap operas. One of my favorites was Santa Barbra (oooo I’m showing my age). I remember watching soap operas where love was found on romantic beaches and islands. This song reminds me of those island episodes with its percussion and synthesizer melodies. Love being lost on the beach as the sunsets.

This last song with its syncopated rhythm and synthesizers is a great song to uplift and encourage everyone to lend a help to others in need.  “I wanna ease the pain, (that life can bring)/Help them find a peace, mmm (their spirit needs)/Have been chosen for (a work to do)/To make this world a much better place/For me and you”. Looking for a song to get you started look no further than this song particularly this month—the months of love and the dedicated month to celebrate a history that is 366 days a year Black History!

As I get ready to go back full time into the work force my emotions are mixed.  Nervous because I’m starting with a new practice; excited because I miss my patient interactions and interactions with colleagues. 

​As a physician part of my role is to get my patients to talk.  It’s hard at times for patients to open up to strangers and so establishing rapport is vital.  I always feel that when my patients view me as a friend, confident, or even as family that I’ve done this job well.

 Some of my colleagues may disagree but we all practice differently.

​As my self imposed sabbatical has been dwindling down my thoughts wonder to the many pleasant conversations I’ve had with my patients and the life stories that we have shared.  The crazy things we have said, the tears we have cried, the hugs that have transpired, the care that we have given to each other.